Do It For You.

Posted: April 2, 2018 in Uncategorized

This will be my first post in years …

I wrote it a long while ago though. For those who have read my random nonsense before, this may not be the angry voice you’re used to. LOL!

In my defence, I’m outta practice and I’m older and not necessarily wiser…but I’m not the exact same animal anymore.

I have written but not posted because I was pressured into doing it and I used a computer. These are two things I don’t do well; perform simply because I’m told to and write honestly and from my heart on a computer.

All my posts are written on phones, never proofread and usually while I’m doing some other shit. Lol!

I feel like my first few posts might be a bit more raw because they’ll most likely be based on stuff I’ve been through or seen at random points during the years in between my last post and now.

Hope you enjoy the next post and maybe learn something from it.

Sometimes in life you’re pretty much against the wall. People will give you the usual spiel about how it will get better and God will provide and how they’ve got plans to help you …”soon”.

That’s all well and good but what about your issues NOW???

Maybe you have nowhere to live. Maybe even feeding is a problem. You try to look okay and good and try to be in the places you MAY find business and people who MAY help you…but it’s not exactly happening.

What then?

Do you live on the sidewalk while waiting for them to decide that they are ready to help you? Or do remove your digestive system as you’re not using it while you wait for God to read your file?


Then say you’re Muslim. You find someone who feels like helping you out and gives you a business to run. But dammit…it involves selling alcohol. Dammit, you simply must turn that down huh?

Okay. Cool. Turn it down.

Your fellow brothers pat you on the back for your steely resolve. But you’re still homeless. You’re still starving.

Do you feel smart now?

Listen. When it comes down to that level? Fuck judgement. Do what you must.

Cos these people will judge you for your bad habits and sins but they aren’t trying to fix your problems .

So why in God’s name are you holding back?

You will be judged simply because you sin differently from them.

So you drink. So you don’t pray 5 times a day. I’m not endorsing that behavior.

But the people judging you lie, fornicate, gossip, probably get high… and do a whole lot of other shit that is just as “haram” as your shit.

This not a rant against Islam or Muslims. I’m just speaking from a position that I understand and have experienced.

Don’t let anyone who isn’t doing anything to better your situation make you feel some kinda way about what you’re doing to keep body and soul together.


They are not the ones you answer to.

If you have alternatives. Great. Use them. If these people offer you other, better ways… use them.

But do not sit and die… cos someone said “It is wrong”.


Doing that.. is what is really wrong.

That’s what is (to me) the real sin.

Let them judge. They’re going to do that anyway.

But always remember. Whatever you do, do it for you.

Or do it for whatever God you worship.

But NEVER let yourself be bullied into it.


El-Jefe. Out.

But back… lol!


Bitter Truth?

Posted: February 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

So, why am I sitting here in the dark writing this?

I need to write something. I’ve been feeling much…uninspired. Which has left me rather unhappy. I knew that if wrote something, I’d get out of this rut but again I’ve been feeling uninspired! My very own Catch-22!

I have always considered myself a straight talker but I recently came across an article on the pseudo academic concept of “Brutal Honesty”. I have since decided to try out the principle.

So, in this post, I would like to introduce you to this concept.

See, I had actually written this post (at least a draft of it) about a year ago. I had forgotten all about it until a special someone asked me to please write something. Uninspired as I was, I went rummaging through my archives (an ambitious term) in the hope of finding some finished piece that would be worth reading, to no avail. So, when I found this one I reluctantly set about the task of finishing and editing it.

Why did I want so badly to fulfill this obligation to her? I told myself that it was because I was a man of my word, because I was that kinda guy – a Standup guy, because I enjoy writing and I wanted to improve my craft. All this would have sufficed if I wasn’t in “Brutal Honesty” mode.

So, on further investigation, I discovered many more… true reasons. Here are a few of them; I actually wanted to impress her. I want her to tell her friends about this amazing article that I had written. I wanted to feel that smug, sweet feeling I believe all writers great and small get when a piece is finished. I wanted all the attractive women I knew in high school and University to read it and suddenly desire me for my umm…, prowess. I want them to be wowed, then impressed and then have a crushing feeling of regret over their decision not to have sex with me, and then resolve to do so and when they meet me… I will decline…simply because I can. I wanted to get congratulatory e-mails and job offers that I can politely decline. Or accept if they’re really good.

In all honesty, I didn’t want to write anything, but I didn’t want to seem lazy.

So, there you are. Laid bare. Not very attractive huh? I believe that most, if not all of us are like this inside. Deep inside. But would we admit it? No!

I think we should though, I believe that we should all try this. For a while at least. It is amazingly liberating.

Start with you. Be honest with you about the ugly stuff. Hear yourself say it. Admit to those unclean thoughts you’ve been having about your friend’s mother. Trust me, once you hear yourself say it once, you will most likely cease to feel quite the same about it.

Start small, don’t rush it and work your way up. NOTE: This “Brutal Honesty” is not your “Asshole License” and if you catch an ass kicking, please be honest enough to admit to yourself that you deserve it. In fact as per the literature I read, let’s call it “RADICAL HONESTY”.

You see, the point to removing the filters between your mouth and your brain is that it will forge more authentic relationships. Sure, one can abuse this by going around saying mean stuff to people. That same person will understand why no one likes him and why he can’t seem to catch a break. Tell your friend about the handcuffs and lubricant you bought because you had aspirations of putting them to use with his sister. Tell your friends how you really feel about that hooker you keep going back to, hell, tell the hooker!

Yes. I know. It sounds stupid. But hey, none of you protested Sarah Jubril’s running for president.

Thing is, on the surface, deceit makes our world go round. Without lies, marriages would crumble, workers would be fired, egos would be shattered and governments would collapse. On the surface that is.

In reality, deceit makes life more difficult. You have a bunch of retarded looking people on “Pop Idol”, Spastics all over Sound City claiming to be musicians, Evil Garden gnomes claiming to be club owners who even attempt to run for public office???!!!

All these and more only happen because the people in positions to have stopped them from happening were dishonest and did not give their honest, true opinions on the various issues brought to them to give advice on.

Imagine how many times you have told some stupid lie. Imagine the embarrassment if you ever got caught in that lie (or if you have been caught – remember the embarrassment).
Understand that the lies to which I refer mostly lie in the domain of personal relationships. I mean if the Nazi’s take over and Stephen Spielberg is in your house…lie! And always lie at poker.
But it isn’t easy. In romantic relationships, (I’m a guy so, I’ll speak for the guys here) it is almost always easier to keep your mouth shut about those times you feel less than in total love with your significant other. “Why rock the boat?” My friend asked me. “Ninety percent of the time I love her, and 10 percent of the time I hate her. Why should I hurt her feelings that 10 percent of the time? Why not just wait until that phase passes and I return to the true feeling, which is that I love her?”

The answer is because he is a manipulative, lying bastard.

I know how caustic that must sound but c’mon! It is very manipulative and patronizing to shut up, smile and listen just so you can get through the evening. And I know that any other action is exhausting but that is how those tiny feelings of resentment are harboured and left to grow. Pretty soon, 10 percent of the time becomes 20 and then 30 and so on.

Note however, that Radical Honesty if misused can get creepy very quickly. @FreakyFacts on twitter reminds us at least four times a week that men think about sex every three minutes. If you speak whatever’s on your mind, you’ll be talking about sex every three minutes and that cannot possibly a good thing.
Unless you live in a brothel.

Another amusing side-effect is that the separate segments of your persona will begin to merge. Usually, there’s a professional self, a home self, a friend self, a with-the-guys self. If you are not careful, Radical Honesty will make it one big rude mess.

Here’s a small “wow moment” excerpt: “…the reason for expressing resentment directly and in person is so that you can experience in your body the sensations that occur when you express the resentment, while at the same time being in the presence of the person you resent, and so you can stay with them until the sensations arise and recede and then get back to neutral — which is what forgiveness is.”

I am inclined to agree. We often think our lies are useful as some function of compassion or kindness. They are not. In fact, it is simply avoiding your responsibility as one human being to another. It is not a crime but it isn’t kind either (again, I draw your attention to the auditions for Pop Idol, Naija Sings and the like).

I used to think honesty often meant cruelty but now I know that honesty is more akin to compassion.

The biggest boon for me is that it is the ultimate time saving tool. Say what’s real and get rid of the BS inbetween.

And now at the end of it all, I still have not written the article I wanted to get done for her and…fuck it, I really have other issues now.

El-Jefe, OUT!!!

Random Ramblings…

Posted: December 2, 2010 in Uncategorized


“No pain, No gain”… Cliché? Yes.

Fundamental truth? That depends doesn’t it?

What I mean is; when we experience physical pain in the gym, we gain muscle mass, tone, cardio-vascular fitness and stamina.

When we endure hardship and sacrifice in order to succeed, we gain a feeling of satisfaction and achievement, not to mention financial rewards.

When we truly embrace emotional pain, we gain compassion for the suffering of others, an appreciation for the fleeting nature of things in life, as well as wisdom and spiritual humility.

Even the act of birth is an act of pain. Our very lives are sustained by eating, which is facilitated by the pain and death of plants and animals, which in turn are sustained by other life forms having a very bad day.

My question is what is gained when the pain is pointless?

When you work for a month and your boss ups and dies, what is to be gained there?

A lesson that one must never work for a boss that may die before salary day?

When a PHCN power surge blows your Brand new B&O Home Entertainment System regardless of the fact that it was hooked up to a stabilizer, what gain is garnered?

Another lesson perhaps? That one must never use such equipment while it is connected to electricity?

There are millions of situations where pain is pointless and without gain.

But even where the Pain DOES bring about gain, I for one will still find it hard to accept and live with as I am vehemently opposed to pain of any shape, type or form.

That being said, I think we can agree that the system sucks.

I much prefer the premise; “No Dream, No Gain”. Or is dreaming too easy?

Would we quickly become complacent and cease to desire gain?

I think not.

But then, is gain really that critical? Or is gain the whole point of everything? If so, the gain of what exactly? (I’m confusing myself)

Ok bye!


Dance, Dance, Dance!!!

Posted: November 15, 2010 in Uncategorized

I dance. Do I dance well? I have no bleeding idea! Do I care? My answer is always “NO”! Not because I actually don’t but because I’m not sure if I’d appreciate your answers.

I find it to be therapeutic for going through the sheer fuckery that is everyday life. The biggest problem is fear. Fear of looking foolish, fear of tripping on my own laces, fear of poking her in the eyes, fear of getting knocked out by my dance partners boyfriend, fear of accidentally touching her boobs and getting smacked, fear of spilling someone’s drink, fear of my partner feeling my erm… tumescence as she grinds against me in obedience to the exhortations of Sean Paul.

Fear causes my mind to race and my muscles to tighten. What follows has caused observers to wince and look away or at other times made them to gather round in admiration and cheer. Other times I’m asked to leave.

So what do I like about dancing? It teaches me that I cannot suppress the fear, nor think my way out of it. I may have control over my body but i cannot control how its movements will be perceived by others. My only option is to live in the moment and get to sporadic spasming. This is a lesson that I have tried to apply to my life at large.

Every day I make a conscious effort to gracefully accept my fears. – My fear of being judged as inadequate, my fear of letting down people who count on me, my fear that I have nothing to bloody write about, my fear that no one will read my stuff because they’d rather watch mediocre celebrities frolic around some silly house with cameras all over the place, my fear regarding the welfare of my parents, my fear that my sister will never talk to me again, my fear that I will die alone, my fear that the scar on my arm is going to mutate into a cancer, my fear of impending National crisis, cockroaches, random violence and dirty bombs — and work anyway.

The result has been astonishing. I believe my work is better than ever. I have also tried to apply this lesson about fear to my dealings with women and other awkward personal relationship. That hasn’t worked out as well.

I think I need to keep dancing and keep my head up.


I BELIEVE…pt 1 1/2.

Posted: November 15, 2010 in Uncategorized



I believe that self-esteem is overrated – whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.

I believe that there are always two sides to any argument… but never an end.

I believe that the good things that come to those who wait were left there by the ones who got there first.

The difference between insane asylums and our schools is that in the insane asylum you have to show some improvement before you can get out.

I believe that those that hate misers are those that do not stand to inherit from them.

I believe that it makes no sense that “abbreviation” such a long word and that it is cruelty to have an “S” in “Lisp”!

I believe that people who say “Money Talks” are fatally wrong, even though I think I have heard it whisper “Goodbye” on occasion.

I believe that the only real way to actually SEE the handwriting on the wall is to be in a public restroom.

I believe that knowledge is NOT always power. If you don’t know where you’re going, you’re never lost.

I believe that Superman is a moron and so is most of the Superhero Universe… why else would they wear their underwear on the outside?

I believe that blogging is casual but one should be careful to proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

I believe that no one is stupid. Sometimes we just stop to think…and forget to start again.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

I believe that all these dudes beefing and bitching about Soulja Boy “ruining Hip Hop” and Justin Bieber “is gay and is being forced upon us by white America” are taking things too seriously and need to get some their priorities straight. If the songs YOU like aren’t getting the radio airplay rotation you want then go get the CD or something!

I believe that sometimes when I’m angry I’m in the right and I deserve to be angry and express my feelings, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I believe that I have recently effectively dealt with my anger and temper problems. “How” you ask? Well, if something were to happen that would be construed by me as upsetting; I would feel the appropriate emotion but then simply let it go. How? Simply by realizing that no matter what the circumstances, how annoying or irritating a person gets… our emotions are self-generated. No one has the power to reach into your soul and initiate the “anger program”.  Plus, there is always the “walk away” option. This simply means that all the anger I feel or felt towards anyone or thing is ultimately created by… me. Thanks Uyi!


I am giving away free Twenty Naira notes!!! Limited Stock!!! Please send N 500 to cover postage & handling.

(Limit N20 per order).

Mr. Nice Guy.

Posted: November 13, 2010 in Uncategorized

What do women want?

Don’t worry I’m not planning on forsaking my sanity on the altar of some insane quest to unearth something that only God himself knows.

The females of our species are the most complex things known to…well, man. And any and I do mean ANY attempt to understand them and their inner workings will invariably be met with fierce resistance.

And will result in instant insanity.

This is why the few amongst us who have managed to gather any smidgen of insight into the female psyche are regarded by peers with quiet admiration and reverence. And men such as these often keep these secrets closely guarded. Which is just as well because these men fought tooth and nail and spilt blood, shed sweat and  cried tears to get this information.

I have always been intrigued by the “good girls like bad guys” maxim, I have never quite understood it, but maybe that why it intrigues me.

I have had cause to give it some thought sha and now I still do not fully understand it but I don’t think its quite as baffling as I thought.

This is how I perceive it to be.

Nice girl is going about her everyday business when outta nowhere….the bad guy appears. She immediately puts her defenses up.

But only for so long. After a while she starts to think about how, under all that “badness” lies a perfectly good heart…noble even.

She then sets about changing this dick into a nice guy. Predictably, this will fail. The bad guy plays along for a bit and after the Bad Guy has erm…“hit that” and has no reason to pretend to be nice anymore, he will revert to his original state.

She will not leave him cos…, uhhhnnmmm…that’s just how they are.

She gets upset, cries and goes to her good friend…a guy…a nice guy to complain about the Bad Guy.

They honestly will not realize that the nice guy has always been there with them all along.  Or that he has been in love with them since they met. He has never had to pretend to be a nice guy to get girls because he is in fact a NICE GUY. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another.

Even though the nice guy was trying to “hit” the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. The more he listens, the closer they get. The closer they get, the more attached she gets to him…only in a non-sexual sense. Girls love attention. And soon you achieve the unenviable rank of …. “FRIEND”!!!

Yes, FRIEND. Never again will you be referred to as “hot”, never again can you “get it”, you become as sexually relevant as her other gay friends. All they want from you is the same emotional support that you have been giving.

By combining the Nice Guy and the Bad Guy, the Girl has the perfect boyfriend. The racy, risqué demon love that the Bad guy affords her, and the necessary emotional counter balance provided by Mr. Nice Guy.

The Nice Guy gets the earfuls and tears and gets to sit with her at Millenium park and sip Hollandia while the Bad Guy takes her clubbing, flirts with all the other girls, gets drunk, takes her home and ravishes her till they can both barely breathe…then she makes him breakfast.

While the Bad Guy is at the club flirting with everything in a skirt and ignoring the girl they are with, the other women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to just me?” And then they also attempt to figure it out by exploration. They let him take their phone numbers or BB PINS and start sending him messages like “So, tell me about yourself”. Mr. Bad Guy will string it along for a while and when he’s ready he will invariably … ahem…“hit it”.

The instant a guy starts out as Nice Guy, his goose is cooked. There is almost no turning back. Women will always go after the Bad Guys because there are always Nice Guys there to listen and provide emotional balance.

Once you realize that you are a “listener”, take a deep breath and pack it up and close shop.

There is no way in this lifetime you will ever get with her pants… ever.

And you can just go ahead and forget all those romantic comedies in which the girl “comes to her senses” and realizes what an asshole her boyfriend is and then falls for the nice nerd neighbor.

There will always be another Bad Guy and she will go for him next.

She might even sleep with a few Bad Guys without dating them (thus throwing your pining heart into Hades) just because she can. And after all is said and done she will discuss it with you. This will continue to be your lot until you stop being such a pussy!

I am always hearing women complain that there are no nice guys in the world.


They are obviously not looking for them at all there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!

Women go about talking about how there aren’t any nice guys anymore. But they aren’t looking for nice guys. They want the ultimate, perfect Bad Guy. Sadly there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect Bad Guy.

So, to all my Nice Guys out there…Man Up!

And to every lady out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you…look next to you. That guy that has been there at every disaster, who holds you when you cry, who hates your boyfriend because he knows how badly you are being treated. He has been by your side all through it all and he’s still there.

That there is your man.

The biggest trip is that he knows you better than anyone…because he has listened to it all.



Posted: November 13, 2010 in Uncategorized

This is my official “I have nothing to say” post.

I will write it or something very similar to it whenever I have nothing worth typing out.

Don’t be surprised to see it quite often. I should have done this ages ago!

Why didn’t I? Vanity!

I had become vain about my updates.

I was determined to write a new one every week at least because…I guess b’cos i’m just that kinda guy (If it wasn’t that,then it was about sending subliminal msgs to Baby Bear).

But i’m older & wiser now. I know when i have nothing to say.

And that knowledge is in itself; Freedom.

Freedom from the need to win your constant approval. And more importantly, freedom from the obsessive and relentless need to end each update with something witty and/or profound.

El-Jefe is sober!